The Wrath of God
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- July
- 12
The tornado that twisted its way up the Saw Mill River Parkway was the highlight of today’s whacked-out weather, but one can’t help but think that Yonkers received a special Divine message from the heavens . WHAM!
Lightning struck Yonkers City Hall at 1;28 p.m. , just minutes before a joint press conference was held by Mayor Phil Amicone and State Sen. Nick Spano. No one was injured but the incredily loud thunder clap jangled some nerves, especially in the parking authority offices where the day’s meter swag was being counted. Word has it that Spano cried “Mommy!” and dove for cover and that Amicone underwent a complete personality change as a result of the super-duper electrical current. He instantly became…well, interesting.
There was also a report that former mayor John Spencer was affected by the lighnting bolt in the most bizarre way. He was seen walking down Yonkers Avenue draped with a sign that said, “Repent Thy Sins!” The candidate for the U.S. Senate reportedly stopped in front of City Hall, raised his fist and shouted: “Give me my old job back!”
Oh yes, another report has it that the lightning caused all the City Hall toilets to flush simultaneously. Numerous women were
also sighted with frizzed-out hairdos, but it was unclear whether the Bride of Frankenstein look was actually the spectacular work of Mother Nature, or just the normal Yonkers style.
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A more accurate description of what happened after lightning hit City Hall:
John Spencer met a frightened young woman in the parking lot and asked her to lunch;
Phil Amicone used taxpayer money to hire Klaus Kinski to portray him in a video made for his futile re-election campaign;
Nick Spano boasted that he was able to get money for Yonkers but neglected to explain his dismal 20 year record;
Chuck Lesnick proudly proclaims on Ridge Hill: “I was against it before I was for it;�
Patricia McDow issues a one sentence proclamation and mispronounces every other word; (NOW – that is real improvement)
Liam McLauglin quits the City Council and joins the law form of Letz, Fleesum and Wrun;
Rip Van Dennis Robertson awakens and realizes that mistakenly, he has been a Democrat for all these years;
Mike Spano says he will continue the Mosiello legacy of fighting for the American Flag, motherhood and apple pie;
(THAT IS – If his wife allows him)
Phil Reisman calls Jeanine Pirro and tells her to dump Al. Mr. Reisman writes about it and includes a dozen sexual innuendoes topping his previous high by 50%.
Louie Kurnitz
Lost in Yonkers
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