Mahmoud, You Knucklehead
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- September
- 25
They won’t let Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad tour Ground Zero, but the Holocaust-denying dictator is otherwise allowed to travel within a 25-mile raidus of New York City.
That means he can come to Westchester County. We can show him a good time.
First, we’ll take him to Syms and buy him a cheap necktie. Jeez, did he forget to pack?
He’s into nuclear power, so we’ll take him up to Indian Point and test the crummy siren system out on his ear drums. Maybe he’d like hands-on instruction on how to bury spent fuel rods.
Next stop—Playland where we’ll get the county to re-open the amusement park just for him. We’ll see if the can set the all-time ride record on the Dragon Coaster. Then we’ll throw him off the Playland Pier to see if he knows how to swim.
Oh, fun time!
Next, it’s lunch. Good old American fare—McDonald’s. Let’s see how many Big Macs he can handle. Then we’ll make him wash it all down with a quart of Orange Crush. Yeah, that’s right Mahmoud, you’re gonna get super-sized!After a brief visit to the emergency room at the Westchester County Medical Center, it’s off to White Plains where we’ll make him sit in on a session of the county board of legislators.
Later, we’ll get him drunk at Sue’s Rendevouz, the strip joint in Mount Vernon that figures in the testimony of the New York Knickerbocker sex harassment case.
When he’s good and loaded, we’ll drive him to Getty Square in Yonkers at about 3 a.m. and leave him there.
From there, he can walk to Ground Zero or any other damn place he wants to go.
The only requirment: He must wear a foam-rubber Statue of liberty crown, just like any self-respecting tourist from Iowa.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, September 25th, 2007 at 1:00 pm by Phil Reisman.
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Phil Reisman is a veteran journalist and native of Westchester County. He began his career in 1977 as the head copy boy of a startup New York City newspaper that quickly went belly up. Reisman was not to blame for the newspaper's failure, or so he claims.
Hey Phil, except for the part about Indian Point,
sounds like a typical Saturday night 30 years ago. This jerk
has to earn a day like that.
Can we put him on the Mind Scrambler and tell him to stand up when the ride starts while singing Hatikvah?