The Westchester County of Legislators, aka the “Board of Nannies” are always coming with new ways to control our behavior. The love to create nutty laws…the nuttier the better. I think they ought to pass a law prohibiting people from placing their tongues in light sockets or on cold, metal surfaces in winter.

But Dennis Kremer, a Westchester resident, sent me a list of proposed laws that could potentially keep the board in business for at least a year. Here they are. Feel free to come up with your own suggestions.

NEW NANNY LAWS:

• Men can no longer dye their hair black. The chemicals pollute our ecosystem and we need to prevent our children from believing our County Executive is not a follicle natural!
• We can no longer de-ice our driveways with salt. From now on we need to use battery powered hair dryers.
• You can no longer blame mandates for every fiscal critique of your administration. It sounds like, “my mother made me do it”
• You must reduce the fees and other charges paid to outside consultants and vendors by hard and soft dollar political contributions they made to secure their vendor role. If they have all this money to throw away, they can take a revenue haircut.
• By the way, what happened to all the mail boxes that used to be conveniently available for us to drop our mail? The nagging ninnies need to now support the Feds because driving to the Post Office wastes gas.
• You can no longer assess anyone’s house with the same appraised value in Westchester County with more tax that a similarly appraised house. We are all neighbors!

• You can no longer restrict County citizens from obtaining permits to park at any Metro North Station, if these stations are attached to State property or right of ways.

  Gotta go now. Have to go idle at drive in ATM cash machine.