Hmm…for three days the Westchester County Department of Health advised homeowners in my section of Yonkers to boil the drinking water because of “groundwater infiltration” that happened when the pipeline was shut down for repairs.

Of course I ignored the advisory because I rarely drink water from the tap—even if it is Yonkers water which every once in awhile wins one of those water-tasting contents. What the hell is water supposed to taste like anyway?

The idea that some foreign substance had infiltrated the east side of Yonkers made me think for one second that it was a big county government plot, but to what purpose I knew not. Perhaps it was cherry-flavored Kool-Aid to make us obediently follow Andy Spano and his veggie wagon.

It reminded me of Jack D. Ripper, the crazy officer in Dr. Strangelove played by Sterling Hayden. He does a great riff on water in a scene with Peter Sellers who played the unctuous Capt. Mandrake. Click on  “vodka” for the scene.

RIPPER: Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rain water, and only pure grain alcohol?

MANDRAKE: Well it did occur to me, Jack, yes.

RIPPER: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation? Fluoridation of water?

MANDRAKE: Ah, yes, I have heard of that, Jack. Yes.

RIPPER: Well do you now what it is?

MANDRAKE: No. No, I don’t know what it is. No.

RIPPER: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?